You may recently have been aware of Marty Sampson, Hillsong song writer and worship leader, who recently posted on his Instagram account that he was struggling with his faith and had even come to the point where it was easier not to have a faith at all than to battle with the ongoing questions and doubts that arose in his mind. The majority of the responses were sadness and disappointment and others simply shared their prayers of hope for a new found faith for Marty and wished him the best on his journey.
I have to be honest that my first thoughts were ones of shock and sadness as I found out that the person who wrote one of my favourite and most impacting worship songs, ‘O Praise the Name’, was no longer identifying as a Christian. I couldn’t work out how someone who once wrote such powerful words, seemingly from a place of strong faith, could end up disowning the God he once sung lovingly about.
Then I remembered my journey. When I started my degree, my faith felt foundational – despite what has happened so far in my life, my faith has never left me. I have overcome some very big challenges so was sure I would never lose my faith now! Then my illness progressed to the point I couldn’t work or fulfil the full criteria of my degree or even do the thing I thought God wanted me to do – be a Youth Pastor. My faith wobbled.
“Why would the God who made me and loves me cause me to be unable to do the thing I not only love to do but also that would help spread the good news and bring others to know and love Him?” This was just the beginning. From here, I found myself questioning everything I ever knew, even those things that I once would have argued were unarguable and parts of my faith that simply couldn’t be wrong such as, God made me and God loves me and even, that God exists! I was terrified. Despite feeling like I was losing my faith, I was desperate not to do so!
Around this time, we covered faith development at uni (what amazing timing!), and I realised that these periods of seemingly, losing faith, were actually periods of rediscovering and affirming it. A faith established in childhood (such as mine) which isn’t challenged or questioned, cannot and will not grow. I don’t know Marty’s life situation but I would not be surprised if something has recently occured that has caused him some distress or grief and has kicked off this period of faith deconstruction. My questioning started because I was chronically ill and had taken the time to reflect on my situation more deeply than I would usually because the issue was affecting my entire life in one way or another so I had no choice to wonder why and attempt to make sense of the situation.
As you might have guessed by now, I am very much FOR faith deconstruction. Although its a hard time, its also a time where I have learnt not only more about God but also more about me and what I really want in life. The trick, I have found, for getting beyond the ‘lost’ phase, is to find those key things that ground your faith and to recall the faith moments – the ones which have anchored your faith, and gradually work through the questions you have one by one with no pressure to get the ‘right answer’ or arrive at one by a particular deadline.
From here comes the reconciliation stage. Now you have unlearned everything you believed about God and Christianity, you can relearn it in relation to your situation and experiences. It is going to be hard but in the end it is worth it.
There is so much more I could say but the key point is that without being willing to embrace the deconstruction phase of my life with chronic illness, I could never have got to where I am now and have a strong established faith once again (yet always ready to be broken down and question everything over again!). If I had not have allowed myself to question and be challenged, I would not be in this same place. The greatest piece of advice I would give to anyone watching someone else going through this is to give them space and time. Be open to conversation but don’t push it or hurry them. Pray and let them rediscover God through your simple acts of love and patience.