Tag: love

Jesus is crucified

Jesus is crucified

Luke 23:26-43

There have been a few posts recently that have been a bit sad rather than happy and joyful as you would expect and hope at this time of year. I’m afraid we are about to get stuck into just about the saddest passage in Luke now, just before Christmas – Jesus’ crucifiction. There is a reason we are reading this passage today though, and hopefully you will understand why by the end of the blog post…

It is important for us to remember that although we celebrate Jesus coming down to Earth as a baby at this time of year, He didn’t stay a baby. He grew up to become a teacher, friend, neighbour, prophet, brother, healer, carer and more, and ultimately, He became our rescuer, redeemer, forgiver and Messiah when He died on a cross, taking away our sins.

It isn’t nice to read about Jesus suffering and dying in pain and alone, especially at Christmas, but it is important to remember who Jesus was and what He was sent down to Earth for. He knew His purpose so well, and loved so strongly, that even on the cross, when the pain in His arms and feet was unbearable and His breathing difficult, He focused on the sinner beside Him. This man had done wrong in a big way, and did not deserve anything, instead of using His God given power to free Himself.

The next time you see a nativity scene, acknowledge the baby in the manger, but then look closer. Imagine the baby as a man. God sent to Earth in human form to teach the teachers, heal the sick and broken, change theology, share the good news of God, awaken the dead, calm the seas, feed the hungry, release demons and finally, die on the cross for us. He didn’t have to do it, He didn’t deserve it, but He chose to do it for us, because He loves us.

Peter says he doesn’t know Jesus

Peter says he doesn’t know Jesus

Luke 22:54-62

I am sure you will know this passage already so I am just going to give a quick summary before getting into the questions for today:

Jesus is arrested, Peter follows, people around question Peter about his connection with Jesus, he denies knowing Jesus, once, twice, three times, then the roaster crows and Peter remembers that he told Jesus he would never deny him but Jesus told him he would do so three times before the roaster crowed….. and breathe!

  1. Why is Jesus taken straight to the high priest after being arrested?
  2. Why does Peter deny knowing Jesus?
  3. Why does Peter cry when he denies Jesus for the third time? What is he remembering?
  4. Previously, Jesus used the Greek word agape for love the first two times, while Peter used a different word, phileoAgape carries the meaning of intense, complete, devoted, sacrificial love, while phileo refers to love as in friendship. Why do you think they used different words?
  5. What can we learn from this and apply to our lives today?
The Richman and Lazarus

The Richman and Lazarus

Luke 16:19-31

When I am attempting to learn something new, I have to be physically involved. You could give me pictures or say the instructions step by step. I could even watch you do something and have a video recording of it to watch back, but if I don’t get the opportunity to be hands on, I won’t remember it nor will I be able to confidently carry out a task.

In the story Jesus told about the rich man and Lazarus, it seems the rich man was like me. He had teaching from Moses and the prophets, but he only paid attention and fully understood it when it was too late.

I know some people who take advice from others and put it straight into practice and others who ignore advice from anyone other than themselves. I am somewhere in the middle. I appreciate good advice when I need it, but will need to test it before taking it as solid truth. For example, if someone told me that something was hot, I would often have to hold my hand near it before believing them. – not on it though because I am not a risk taker!

With Lazarus in heaven and the rich man in hell, he suddenly realises that he is wrong but it is too late. Jesus explains that once you are in heaven or hell, you cannot switch over to the other. One belongs to the devil and the other belongs to God – no house shares allowed!

This is difficult to hear as Christians with friends who are not believers, but it is the way things work. Good and evil are separated and there can be no contamination otherwise Heaven could not be the perfect place we know it to be. We need to be sharing the Good News of Jesus with everyone we know and love to ensure they don’t end up in the fires of hell. However, we are lucky that in our time, since Jesus’ death and resurrection, we are given another chance. Judgement day is God’s day for Him to ask us one more time if we believe in Him. Therefore, even if we decide to go against Him all our lives, we have another chance to spend eternity in Heaven.

Our God is a compassionate, loving, gracious, merciful God. He is the God who sent His only Son to earth to die for us – He wouldn’t do that if He didn’t care about us. God doesn’t want us to leave Him and spend eternity away from Him so He will always give us the best chance, but if you have the opportunity, say yes to God now – it will save time later.

Lost sheep, coin and son

Lost sheep, coin and son

Luke 15:1-32

Have you ever lost something or someone you loved? I am a very nostalgic person and love to keep as many items that relate to memories as I possibly can. I also treasure people, especially those that have kept in touch after I become ill so when I lose touch with someone, fall out of a relationship, or lose something special to me, it hits me hard!

In each these 3 parables, there is a lost item or person but the reaction to that is different in 1 than the others. In the first 2, the shepherd and the woman actively search for the sheep and coin, but in the third story, the father waits for his son to return home instead of searching for him.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep but loses one of them. Then he will leave the other ninety-nine sheep in the open field and go out and look for the lost sheep until he finds it“. – Luke 15:4

“Suppose a woman has ten silver coins, but loses one. She will light a lamp, sweep the house, and look carefully for the coin until she finds it.” – Luke 15:8

“While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt sorry for his son. So the father ran to him and hugged and kissed him. The son said, ‘Father, I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’But the father said to his servants, ‘Hurry! Bring the best clothes and put them on him. Also, put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get our fat calf and kill it so we can have a feast and celebrate. My son was dead, but now he is alive again! He was lost, but now he is found!’ So they began to celebrate. – Luke 15:20b-24

The parables of the lost sheep, lost coin and lost son (otherwise known as the prodigal son) are all stories told by Jesus to help the ‘tax collectors and sinners’ to understand His teaching. As I grew up in a Christian family and have never turned away from my faith, I had struggled to relate to these stories and apply them to my life. I am not a tax collector, but I am a sinner, as we all are, so this parable is for me too. Though I want to always be a perfect follower of Jesus, I am still just human so cannot be perfect, therefore, there are days or moments that I choose to do my thing and go my way rather than do the things that God would have me do, just like the prodigal son.

Without God’s grace and mercy, the first time I chose my earthly life over His Heavenly Kingdom would have been the last. Grace and mercy are for all. We can’t buy, we don’t deserve it, but God is a loving, gracious, merciful, forgiving Father, so if we turn back, God will greet us with open arms and welcome us back into His family.

The cost of being Jesus’ follower

The cost of being Jesus’ follower

‘Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me but loves his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, or sisters—or even life—more than me, he cannot be my follower. Whoever is not willing to carry his cross and follow me cannot be my follower. If you want to build a tower, you first sit down and decide how much it will cost, to see if you have enough money to finish the job. If you don’t, you might lay the foundation, but you would not be able to finish. Then all who would see it would make fun of you, saying, ‘This person began to build but was not able to finish.’ “If a king is going to fight another king, first he will sit down and plan. He will decide if he and his ten thousand soldiers can defeat the other king who has twenty thousand soldiers. If he can’t, then while the other king is still far away, he will send some people to speak to him and ask for peace. In the same way, you must give up everything you have to be my follower.‘ – Luke 14:25-33

Life has its challenges but overall, I love it! I love spending time with my family and seeing friends, reading books, watching films, walking the dogs, eating nice foods, good music, doing arts and crafts, playing guitar and singing, ice skating, and much more! When I wake up in the morning, even on a bad day, I look forward to what I am going to do. Sometimes, that is walking the dogs and seeing friends and sometimes it is reading and lots of sleep. Whatever it is, I do my best to have a good day and make it one for others too!

We have been given the gift of life to enjoy so it is not wrong to love life, but as Jesus says in Luke 14, it is wrong to love it above God. When we get so stuck into the things we love that we forget God and even idolise those activities, then we are living life the wrong way. “In the same way, you must give up everything you have to be my follower”. This doesn’t mean you can still love life and the things you enjoy, but it is important to recognise the reason we have these things is God’s gift of life, love and provision and without Him. When you are doing something you love, take a moment to remember the One who made it possible and thank Him for it.

Daring to Give

Daring to Give

“But I can’t do that thing,” said the lady as she waved her arms around. She meant sign language. I had asked her if I could sit beside her in a church service, and share her books for the songs and readings. This would help me follow and, in the case of the songs, leave my hands free to sign them.

It is a privilege to guest blog for this site. I was asked to pick out a key way the church has played a part in my journey, and the above story sprang immediately to mind. Because it’s a story of someone doing what she could, despite at first being concerned about what she couldn’t.

Since I was diagnosed with NF2*, and subsequently lost the ability to do various things, including hear, people doing what they can for me have been vital to my journey. People who pray for me. People who speak clearly for me to lipread them. People who carry my cup of tea for me (I have bad balance). People who welcome me. People who are patient. And much, much more.

On a family holiday in the Lake District last August, we decided to climb up to a waterfall. On balance (pardon the pun), it would have been sensible for me to stay behind. But my seven-year-old niece came to me and took my hand; “I’ll help you walk.” And she did. For as far as she was able, and then her mummy took over. My niece couldn’t physically help me over the really difficult parts, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t help. She went in front and told me when there were rocks to avoid tripping on. She did what she could. The lady at church, and my niece, looked beyond what they couldn’t do to what they could. Acknowledging the ‘can’t’, and embracing the ‘can’.

After the service – during which I did share the lady’s books – I thanked her for helping me. She took my hand and, putting ’genuine’ into the word genuine, she said, “It was my pleasure.” It was my pleasure. She really meant it, I could tell. Helping me – yes, me – had given her pleasure. She hadn’t found me a nuisance, or an embarrassment, or an inconvenience.

Often, I can be apologetic, thinking I’m making life difficult for people, hesitant to ask for help. But, if I hadn’t asked, that lady would have missed out on saying ‘it’s my pleasure’ and meaning it. If I hadn’t accepted my niece’s help, if I’d pushed her away, then yes, I’d have missed out on the waterfall. But more than that, I’d have rejected her gift to me. And potentially discouraged her from offering to give to me, or others, in future.

  • Remember that our Lord Jesus said, “More blessings come from giving than from receiving.” Acts 20:35b

By daring to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to admit our weaknesses, we offer people opportunity for blessing. Opportunity to give to us, and so receive what is better. And, in a glorious paradox, as we offer that opportunity, we, too, are giving. We, too, are blessed. We, too, do what is better. And we become more and more caught up in the body of Christ, of which each one of us is a part (cf 1 Corinthians 12). Growing together.

  • In Him (Christ Jesus) the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.. Ephesians 2:21, 22

How good are we at allowing others to give?

Emily sometimes describes herself as a professional patient. She has spent a fair bit of her life in hospital and knows more medical jargon than she ever wished to. Thankfully for her, this is offset by an amazing medical team.
Emily is an author and speaker. Most of her books have been written, at least in part, from a hospital/recuperation bed and, she hopes, are more accessible than above mentioned jargon. For more information, please see the links below.

Emily’s books: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Emily-Owen/e/B01EWPKC9W?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1&qid=1569511001&sr=8-1
*More about NF2: https://nervetumours.org.uk/what-are-nerve-tumours/what-is-nf2
Emily’s website: http://www.emily-owen.co.uk/

The silent killer – loneliness

The silent killer – loneliness

When I was in my teens, I heard stories about the older generations who find themselves at home, alone, for the majority, if not all of the week, without ever seeing or speaking to anyone else. More recently, I read a statistic which stated that more teens and young adults have identified as ‘lonely’ than the older generations. Then, 5 years ago, I became part of another loneliness statistic – the chronically ill. As it is for many people, I wasn’t aware about this missing group of people for exactly that reason. Chronically ill people are mising from society. We are in too much pain or too tired or too symptomatic to be able to mix with society for too long, if at all, each week, and this makes for a lonely existence.

I am very thankful that when I became ill, my closest friends stayed with me and checked in on me and continue to do so, but when I am having a particularly bad week due to higher pain or fatigue levels than usual, I have been known to not leave my bed or house for days at a time. I am blessed to have my family who live with and help me but without them, my days would be very quiet and empty and even more lonely than they are otherwise and this is the case for many chronically ill people.

This extract from Premier Christianity reveals the seriousness of loneliness:
Social psychologist John Cacioppo, at the University of Chicago is a world leader in the biomedical effects of loneliness. In January this year he presented some of his latest research at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology meeting in San Diego.  His findings confirmed a growing body of science showing that loneliness is more damaging than smoking 15 cigarettes a day, or being obese, or not taking exercise.  
(https://www.premierchristianity.com/Blog/Chronic-feelings-of-loneliness-can-be-deadly.-Here-s-how-the-Church-can-help)

Did you know loneliness could kill people? It isn’t just a feeling we have when we spend more time alone than we would like – it affects us physically too which, when you are lonely predominantly due to a chronic illness, means you can end up in a catch 22 circle of pain.

We are made to be together, spending time with friends and family and being part of a bigger unit. As Christians, the Church should be a part of that, but very rarely is that the case. 1 in 5 people identify as being disabled yet a much smaller than that number of church congregations have a disability. Why is this? Well, I think there are many reasons but one of the major ones is that more churches are focusing on the number of people in their churches and not on how they look after those people. Sometimes, people cannot attend a church service for weeks on end and feel sad and frustrated that they have to do so but when they finally get back to church to find no one has missed them, or if they never show up again and don’t receive a phone call, letter or check in by a member of the pastoral team, the loneliness they felt from being out of church for so long is exasperated and they may feel inclined to leave as they don’t feel wanted or cared about. This in turn causes them to stop going to church, decreasing their social activities and increasing the amount of time they spend alone annd ultimately, their loneliness too.

In the first three centuries, the early Church was one known for its love and compassion. Justin Martyr described Christian love as, ‘We who used to value the acquisition of wealth and possessions more than anything else now bring what we have into a common fund and share it with anyone who needs it. We used to hate and destroy one another and refused to associate with people of another race or country. Now, because of Christ, we live together with such people and pray for our enemies.’

Can we honestly say today that we are more interested in the people in the centre and on the outskirts of the church, and even the wider community, more than increasing the number of people who come into the church? Are we genuinely more passionate about spending our money to help those who need it than bringing in and saving as much as we can for our own benefit? Would we be willing to go out of our way, miss out on catching up with friends, skip a party or record our favourite TV show to visit or call someone who has been unwell or has not been at church for a while and help them in someway? Having a visitor could be enough, or perhaps they need a few bits of shopping? A small thing can go a long way and as we know, anything that reduces or stops loneliness completely is a potential life saver!

Looking ‘normal’ doesn’t mean we are.

Looking ‘normal’ doesn’t mean we are.

A large quantity of the people connected with YouBelong have a disability or chronic illness. For some of us, our conditions have little to no impact on our day to day activities and lives in general. For others, our lives are greatly impacted by our conditions as the world we live in is not well suited to our situations. Then there is another group who sit somewhere in the middle. Some days we can cope just fine and look and act like anyone else but on other days we are home or even bed bound, unable to to do anything for ourselves and truggle constantly to control our symptoms with medications and therapies. I fit into this circle in the venn diagram of chronic illnesses – the one that overlaps the ‘no effect on daily life’ and the one that says ‘unable to participate in daily life’.

As I was born without health issues, I have had to adapt to the changes that have taken place in my life as a result of chronic illness…. but so have those around me. Although I work, I can only do so part time and even then, I can only do that because my parents drive me to and from work and allow me to live in their house as I cannot work enough hours to afford to live in my own place. Even if I could, some days I am unable to get up until muchh later in the day which means I do not drink anything or eat anything without my parents bringing me things and helping me out with the cleaning and general household jobs.

As I said, I am in the middle circle of the venn diagram so sometimes I am doing okay and my symptoms are under control and other days I am really unwell. A lot of the people in the chronic illness community describe these as good days and bad days and we all know what that means. A good day does NOT mean symptoms free. If we suffer from pain, we probably still have pain in our bodies, even on bad days. If we struggle with fatigue, a good day might mean we can do more than usual, or not need to nap or rest as often, but we will still be tired and if we do too much, we can suddenly find ourself going from a good day to a bad day in a matter of hours. A GOOD day does not mean we are better, healed, cured. It means we are doing better than our average and may want to do more, to make the most of our good day but please take note, a good day to us, is not same as a good or even regular health day for the average person. If we decide to use our good days to do more than you would normally see us do or do things we would not normally do, don’t give us judgemental looks or doubt our conditions. If we do something we don’t normally do, it is probably because we want to do it, even though we know that tomorrow will likely be a bad pain day or a day with high levels of fatigue and are unable to get out of bed at all.

A good day may also mean we look ‘normal’ because we are up and dressed and may have our hair, make up and nails done or have our facial hair trimmed and neat. If that is how we choose to use our time and energy on our better days, why shouldn’t we be allowed to do that? Even on our worst days, many people don’t see how sick we are or feel because the illnesses are not visible. Pain is invisible, fatigue cannot be viewed apart from the bags under our eyes and the constant yawns that stretch across our faces but other people get ‘tired’ too and although this is nothing like that, it is indistingushable from the outside.

We as humans, are naturally judgemental and its often for a good reason. If we weren’t good at judging, less people would have survived the cave man days man days as they wouldn’t have known whether another person was going be friendly, or try to steal from them, attack other tribe members or even had fallen in love and wanted to start a family with them! But today, judgement leads to lots of problems, particularly with the introduction of the internet and social media where people can, and do, say what they think about someone they have never met simply because they don’t like the way they dressed or their accent or perhaps they are actually jealous of them so attack them for that reason.

Chronically ill people are constantly judged for how many medications we take, being absent from work or school so often without ever looking ill, being turned away from hosptials because our pain cannot be seen so is not accepted as real and being questioned about using a disabled parking space because we walked ‘just fine’ when we left the car and went into the shops!

When we receive all this hate and judgement from the world, the last thing we want or need from our friends and family is the same speel all over again. In James 4 we read these verses:

11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

THERE IS ONLY ONE JUDGE…. BUT YOU – WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE YOUR NEIGHBOUR? God is the judge, not us. If your reasoning for judging someone is because you don’t believe their pain or fatigue etc. can be as bad as they make out (I can guarantee it probably is – we have just gotten really good at hiding it!), it is not your right to judge. God will do that. You are told to love them no matter what. In Luke 6 we are told to love even our neighbours. It is hard but if we can work to do that, we can also work to really love our friends and family who have good days for love cannot be true with judgement incorporated into it.

A good day is just that – a good day. Tomorrow may not be a good day, or maybe it will be. Perhaps there will even be a good week but no matter what, unless we say that we are recoverd, cured, fully better, please don’t judge us for not acting or behaving in the way you want or expect us to.

Living confidently in the minorty

Living confidently in the minorty

I have never been popular but at the time of my original diagnosis, I had a lot of friends who were constantly checking in on me and ensuring I wasn’t feeling left out. As time has gone by and I have spent more time at home in bed, I have also spent more time alone and when I do go out, I find it really hard to make conversation and ‘fit in’ with those around me. This is definitely not solely the fault of those around me as I am not great at making conversation because once I get asked ‘what I do, where I live or what I do in my free time, instead of saying something like ‘I am doing my dream job as a result of working hard in my degree, I live alone in a lovely house in the city near to where I work with my partner and in my free time, I love to go on long walks with my dog, meet up with friends for drinks after work and spend the weekends road-tripping and having short breaks away’. The reality of chronic illness, is that is just not possible right now, so I lack the conversation points and the conversation dies.

I am off to a leadership summit this week which I am really excited about BUT, I am also terrified as there are so many unknowns (see my post about spending time with new friends and the unknowns connected to that here) and I already know that I won’t be the typical person in attendance there.

Before we even address the chronic illness aspect of my life, I am a women (minority in church leadership), I am 26 years old (yet look about 18) and I am there to represent YouBelong, and online church (not exactly the norm!). Then we get to chronic illness. I am easily fatigued and need to nap, always in pain so require medication to get through the day, and I will be using my wheelchair, pushed around by my Mum who is there as my driver and carer for the trip. I am not normal. I won’t naturally fit in.

The bible (as always) has something to speak into this situation. In Matthew 15:21-28, we read about the Canaanite woman who came to Jesus seeking help for her possessed daughter and in Mark 5:25-29, we read about the woman who was healed from 12 years of bleeding by touching Jesus’ clothes. Each of the people mentioned here would have been marginalised. One because she and her daughter would have been viewed as evil as the daughter had a demon inside her and the other because she would have been viewed as dirty according to the culture and laws of the time.

The woman who bled didn’t feel that she could approach Jesus straight up and ask for healing like others which is why she instead took a hold of his clothes from within a bustling crowd of people. She planned to go unnoticed but having heard of Jesus power, knew it too good an opportunity to miss not being healed so she stepped out of the cultural norm and went out to Jesus and she was rewarded for it. Jesus loved her and cared about her and healed her. He didn’t react with disgust at her story but instead showered her with love.

In the other passage, we discover that the mother of the woman possessed by demons came running to Jesus and his friends begging them for help. Before Jesus could even speak to her, the disciples told her to go away because she was shouting and screaming and ‘making a scene’. They didn’t want her bothering them with her issues but Jesus told them to be quiet and knowing the faith of this marginalised woman, healed her daughter of the demons.

Now, this post is not about faith or healing at all but what these examples do show is that even when we feel marginalised, left out, unimportant, in God’s eyes we are special and loved just like every single one of His children. Different doesn’t mean bad or wrong or less talented or important. We are all loved and God has a plan for each and every one of us.

When I go off to the summit this week, I will not go in with my head hanging low, trying to hide like the woman who bled, trying to go unnoticed. No, instead I will go in with my head held high, perhaps standing out but also standing up for what I believe and what God has called me to do even if that means others laugh or don’t see the significance because I know God loves me and my uniqueness and that in Heaven, no one will be marginalised and isn’t really the world that we ultimately want to be a part of? Until then, we just need to work at making our piece of earth as much like that as possible by accepting everyone as they are and recognising their differences as God planned and purposed and ensuring everyone has a place at the table now as well as in Heaven.

Facing shame and guilt due to chronic illness

Facing shame and guilt due to chronic illness

In her book, ‘Illness as Metaphor’, Susan Sontag explains that within many cultures, illness is believed to be the result of something a person has or hasn’t done. Perhaps you’re ill because you ate too much bacon, drank too much wine, did too little or too much exercise, didn’t get enough sleep, put yourself into too many stressful situations, dwelt on a situation too long or even sinned (did something wrong in God’s eyes) etc. etc. 

I know my health problems are not my fault, in fact we are pretty sure that it is likely the result of my genes, but sometimes I still wonder if I should have exercised more or eaten healthier or done more meditation even though I know this is unlikely to make any difference at all. When I think about what I could or should have done differently, I feel guilty as if I could have changed the past, I wouldn’t be suffering but nor would I be making life harder for those around me. 

My parents suffered when I couldn’t eat and was very weak and when I experience high levels of pain because there is nothing they can do to help me. They suffer financially because I cannot work enough hours to earn enough money to sustain myself so are looking after me at home too. There relationship may even suffer because I take up their time and energy so they have less left for each other. I am almost certain they would not want me to think like that but I feel guilty for what I have taken from my family and those around me who I care most about. 

Another avenue that produces shame and guilt is being vulnerable and honest. When I am vulnerable and honest with people, I will tell them when I am in too much pain to continue walking or too tired to stay up and socialise or that I need to have something different on the menu due to dietary requirements or I need to have extra cushions on my bed, a downstairs room in a hotel to reduce energy usage. In real life, it means saying no to baby-sitting because I am too tired or in too much pain to help out despite having done nothing else all day, leaving someone who has done 8 hours work, cleaned and tidied, walked the dogs and already baby-sat yesterday to do it again today. That leaves me feeling very guilty but there is nothing I can do. My body is out of my control. 

Shame is the result of societal norms being broken. If the shame came as a result of wearing bright pink clothes to work in an office where everyone else wears suits, the person may be embarrassed but they can wear a suit to work the next day and the shame will slowly disappear. When the shame happens as the result of something beyond our control, the only we can do is hide it the best we can. For me, that looks like not using the wheelchair when out in public, eating foods that my friends eat even if they hurt so as to not appear ‘fussy’ and provoke questions and doing all I can to keep up with those around me and then going up to my room to sleep and take medications or cry until the pain subsides or I fall asleep. 

As a Christian, I fear shame every time I open up to someone new about my health issues because society says illness is our fault (see above) and many Christians often say that if you are not ‘healed’ it is because you don’t have enough faith/ don’t pray enough. When I have done all I can and prayed everyday for many years, had prayer evenings dedicated to my healing, this not only leaves me feeling upset and frustrated but shamed because I can’t do anything to change those people’s views of me and my condition. 

However, we know that God does not want us to experience guilt and shame. They are not heavenly emotions and do not belong in God’s people. Often, guilt and shame are our own fault in which case, the bible tells us we need to ask for forgiveness but this is different because chronic illness and disability are not our own fault (generally). Even the disciples, who were only out to do good by sharing the good news of Jesus with those around them, experienced shame but instead of letting it overwhelm them, they turned it on it’s head -“rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name” (Acts 5:41). It might not seem like it, but we can use the shame we feel for having disabilities or chronic illnesses and use them for good by using them for His name and glory and for the extending of His Kingdom.

It is likely this will not keep the guilt and shame away completely but we can ask God to protect us and block the unfair attacks that are aimed at us. When we pray, He listens, and He will work in our guilt and shame and stop the devil/ accuser from hurting us through his lies. Overall, we must remember that even when we feel guilty because others are making us feel that way, God is not saying that to us. He loves us and cares for us and has not given up on you.